Fear

It all started with a stitch on my side, I had never experienced pain like that before. Sure, I had stiches before while running and I would usually get rid of them using the “remedies” I had learned; breathe out on the opposite foot, raise your arm high in the sky on the side it hurts, dig in with your hand on the stitch while you blow out hard….No, this time it didn’t work.

It didn’t help that I was still  sore the next day and that I had a timed run for score the day after that. I was stressed, anxious and fearful, I couldn’t fail. Ice helped and I was able to pass that run in the time limit.  Then it happened again, on a Sunday, I was baffled since I hadn’t done anything physical that weekend, and to make matters worse I had another test on two days later.

All day that Monday I was iced, soaked in baths, hooked up with my TENS unit, rubbed with icy hot. That Tuesday came and I put icy hot all over my abdomen and added aleve and a sticky bengay  heating pad. I was scared that I would make it worse during the crunches, I was scared that it would come back full force during my 3 mile run and that I wouldn’t finish.

But I did. I pushed through, I kept telling myself: “slow and steady wins  the race“, “success is the only f* option , failure is not” and when pain came at 2.80ish miles “pain ain’t shit”.   My skin was on fire afterwards (I suspect from all the icy hot I applied) but something else happened, I got into my head and my already fragile confidence crumbled. I stopped running for 5 days, I was missing “IT”, the sweat, the I-gave-that-run-all-I had feeling, the feeling of accomplishment, but mostly that time where it is just me and my thoughts.

Today, is the beginning of a new month. Today I take it back, I start to understand that the obstacles in my road to success are not permanent, I can go around them, through them, the only thing I CANNOT do is stop.  My family is understanding, but in reality my running friends are the best support system this girl can ask for.

3 thoughts on “Fear”

  1. Sometimes you can overthink it too. When you are training, I would imagine things like making sure you breathe on a particular stride, or other remedies would be interesting to try, but when the running counts, it’s best to just let your body do what it knows how to, head down, and plow through. Good job on the test, and the runs…

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